Random Thoughts
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: These are the thoughts of Subaru throughout the Tokyo Babylon manga...Showing his gradual descent from innocence.
1. The boy, Nanashi

Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon's by the awesome clamp. I can't be this creative but I can try ^_^v  
  
  
Random Thoughts  
by Yui Miyamoto  
  
Years ago, a memory had faded in the seams...  
...and then it haunted me until it became so real I bled from my hands...  
...and from my heart.  
  
  
Chapter 1 - The boy, Nanashi   
  
As I looked around confused, I found a boy looking at me with a peculiar smile that I couldn't understand why he had looked like that. This smile was so inviting, and yet it made me so fearful. It was as if he were going to kill me with that strange grin that looked so surreal: both sincere and not so.  
  
"Do you like sakura?" he had asked me.  
"Hai!" I answered excitedly as I nodded my head in confirmation.  
  
It was my favorite. I had such a fascination with this particular tree that we the Japanese had regarded in such high esteem, yet its beauty seemed so dreamlike that it was deadly if it caught you off-guard.  
  
"Cherry blossoms are always as white as snow. Even whiter. But do you know why they are pink?"  
Innocently, I shook my head at him.   
  
My heart was beating very fast as if it knew at that moment what he would say...  
  
"It's because of the blood of the dead corpses buried under the sakura." He clenched his fist as if he had blood running through his fingers and seeping to the ground itself.  
  
Filled with sadness, I couldn't hold my feelings inside. It overflowed until I found myself crying for these people.  
Blinking with tears in my eyes, I asked, "But aren't they sad?"  
  
Then, that face that was so sure and calm suddenly became surprised as he looked at me.   
  
Why? Why are you looking at me like that? Why must you be surprised at this comment?  
Don't...  
Don't you feel anything for these dead people?  
Nothing at all...?  
  
He then knelt so that we could look at each other on eye-level. "I'll make a bet with you."  
  
My lips were closed in fright and shock. I didn't know what overcame me, but there was this incredible fear and yet inviting seductiveness that drew me even closer to him.  
Was it his aura, his look, or he himself? I do not know. All I knew was that he was sucking the life out of me...  
...and I was letting him...  
  
"When we meet again..."  
Then, the wind suddenly blew harder than I could have ever possibly imagined. Shouting with the childish voice I had, I said, "I can't hear you because the wind's so loud!!!"  
  
The sakura blossoms rose of their own accord and a stream of them enveloped the contours of our bodies. Thrashing through pretty petals, I lifted up my sleeve to block them from hitting my face.  
  
These petals are soft...but deadly with the wind...  
  
"I can't hear you!" I shouted as I rose abruptly from my bed.   
Looking down into my lap and at my hands, tears emerged and flowed down to my pajamas.   
  
These hands that were cursed because of that boy.  
But wasn't it a dream? Wasn't it just a dream??  
  
And yet it was so real...as if I was forced to forget...  
but the truth is here.   
Right in front of me.  
  
No matter how many times I try to remember this incident, my mind forgets all by itself.  
Time will eventually seep in and I will not know of this anymore...  
  
Stop.  
Block.  
  
I cannot remember anything beyond that. Though it has hurt me, though it has been constantly reminded me, though at times it has caused me to go mad inside myself, I cannot remember anything.  
  
And yet the memory persists deep inside of me.  
  
Getting up from bed, I walk down the hall to the bathroom and look at the mirror. "Smile. That's all you can do."  
  
Everyday...everyday I am burdened with the fact that my life has been threatened since I was little...  
  
But that didn't depress me anymore. As my twin sister said to me, "Why are you sad, Subaru? You shouldn't cry. You should smile."  
"But...but..." I couldn't tell her about my hands at that moment because I didn't understand it myself as my grandmother's horrific face gave no word about something that I couldn't understand just yet.  
Hokuto-chan took my face into her hands and smiled at me. "No matter what, I hate it when Subaru-kun is sad. So always smile."  
  
Nodding my head and washing my face with a smile, I tried as much as possible to keep my innocence...  
...but because of that disturbing dream, I knew it would eventually fall apart.  
  
And I knew at that moment...  
...that boy with no name had everything to do with it...  
  
--  
Author's note: Subaru is my favorite character of all time and so I wanted to make him more analytical than he is represented.  
This is my interpretation of him... 


	2. Deeply

Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon is held by Clamp.  
  
Random Thoughts  
by yui miyamoto  
Chapter 2 - Deeply  
  
"What's that?"   
I put my hand on my forehead because the sun's rays were so bright and shone into my face.  
And so I pursued that object overhead not really paying attention to where I was going. "Doko ni ikimasu ka? Doko-"  
"WAH!!!" Waving my arms in the air, I fell on the train station platform...flat on my face.  
Taking my hand firmly in his hand, a random guy began to get his handkerchief for my dirty face. Dusting off my jacket and pushing my red nose, I then thanked him. I found out he was a doctor and he took me to his clinic. He was a vetenarian with so many cute animals to look over.   
As he applied ointment into my face, he smiled and I began to blush while freezing up in my seat, but that didn't matter if I was already red with a rudolf nose.  
  
After he helped me, my sister came right over...  
and she began to make fun of me. Even more than the usual.  
I kept on blinking because I was so shy about the whole incident and she didn't have any idea that I was dying there while she was describing the whole, "But Sei-chan is the kind of guy you fall in love with at first sight...'  
  
Sinking away in my seat and turning even redder than any known vegetable on the planet, there I was having the time of my life with my sister poking fun at me with someone I just met...  
  
...just met...  
  
When I said so, he seemed somehow upset. In a quick glance, he held a look that was so stern and serious. It somehow seemed out of place.   
In the next moment, he began to protest at my remark. "No, this is NOT the first time we've met."  
"It isn't?" I blinked my eyes in surprise as well as my sister.  
He shook his head full of determination. "No. We met a long time ago."  
  
And we left it at that...well, on the outside.  
  
Racking my mind even further, I felt guilty for not remembering this kind doctor because he had been so good to me so far. But my mind came out with a blank.  
It didn't help that he poked through my train of thought to say something about marriage, him and me in the same sentence.  
  
"But, but I'm a guy!" I protested.  
He didn't care, though. He came closer and closer to me while saying that maybe he was hentai for these thoughts...  
  
And just when I thought it was going to be over...  
  
Hokuto says, "Hanami! Let's see it together!"  
  
I wanted so much to slap my head against my palm in shock. This was such a Hokuto-chan thing to do, but still...  
  
As I sulked behind half in shock, and half in pain of being their patsy for their jokes, I came across a sakura tree whose petals were so pink.  
It stood out among the other trees, we'll just say that.  
  
That sakura...  
  
And there stood Seishirou...  
...asking the same question that boy with no name had asked me years before...  
  
Still denying it in a dream and whether this was true, I looked deeply at Seishirou. Over and over I kept on convincing myself, "It's not him. It's not Seishirou-san..."  
  
And yet that horrid statement persisted in my head, "It's because there are dead people buried under the sakura."  
  
Pound...doki doki...  
"It's because there are dead people..."  
Doki...  
Because....  
Doki...  
There are...  
Doki  
Dead people...  
Doki...  
Nan-  
  
"Subaru-kun~!"  
Catching my breath, I ran to my sister who was already yelling at me. So I joined them at the picnic.  
  
I kept on staring at that sakura trying to remember what had happened.  
The memory kept on pounding into my head and was eating me alive. But there I still smiled in front of them...  
  
...while screaming deep inside...  
  
...WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE SEISHIROU-SAN?! It cannot be!!!  
  
"What's wrong, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou asked as he looked curiously at me while passing me more food.  
Being distracted and all, I failed to notice him picking up a napkin and wiping my mouth with that distinct smile that I began to melt into...  
The kind that you didn't care what happened from then on because you were so intricately woven in the twisted web already without even knowing it...  
  
I shook my head to put these painful thoughts aside. "N-nandemo nai..."  
He patted my shoulder. "I hope so..."  
Catching a glimpse of him from the side of my eyes, I want to enjoy this moment.  
This moment with my dear sister Hokuto and our new friend Seishirou...  
  
Looking at them, I began to think, "I think I'll cherish this...I have to cherish this now."  
  
My mind then said, "Why?"  
And I had no answer. It was a total blank to me.  
  
Then, Hokuto-chan grabbed my shoulders and shook me to get out of my daze...  
  
By the end of the whole ordeal, I went to bed tired and worried.  
That persistent nagging feeling kept on clouding my mind and my heart and finally I thought while looking at Seishirou-san, "What have I gotten myself into?"  
That's what's wrong...  
  
His question echoed in the recesses of my head and swam with no chance of it being saved at all. Falling deeper into quicksand, I was enraptured by the invisible hands that pulled my gloved ones.  
As I went to bed, I took off my gloves to look at each five point star on each of my hands.   
I couldn't hold my smile any longer and I began to cry. Holding myself in fear, I closed my eyes tightly as my heart began to ache even worse than before.  
  
"It can't be him." Sobbing, I whispered, "I...I refuse to...believe it."  
  
Even tighter than before, I embraced my shoulders to whisper, "If it is him, I think it's too late..."  
Crying even harder, I whispered even lower and barely audibly, "I...I think I'm falling for the enemy..."  
  
That boy had seduced my heart when I was little with my youthful questions while taking my life away...  
  
...he was doing it all over again...  
...and even more seductive and painful than before...  
...and again, I was shouting, "I can't hear you! The wind's too loud." while being caught in a beautiful storm of ravaging sakura petals and not protesting to the danger it entailed...  
  
I knew my life depended so heavily on those falling sakura. Crashing lightly to the ground, depleting my life force and innocence so slowly, so softly, so tenderly and warmly touched also...  
  
--  
Author's note: Subaru~! _ 


	3. Shiawase ni naritai. (I want to be happ...

Disclaimer: Subaru and Sei-chan are byproducts of the imaginations of Clamp as well as all of Tokyo Babylon.  
(But as my friend and I always say, "It's only logical that you can't make something out of nothing. So there's gotta be a look-alike somewhere on this Earth and we're out to find him/them!")  
  
Random Thoughts  
by Yui Miyamoto  
  
Chapter 3 - Shiawase ni naritai. (I want to be happy.)  
  
"Itai yo... Kurushi yo..."  
Like a broken record, the little girl's words played in my head and kept on inflicting it.  
And so, in the pouring rain, I ran faster and faster as if I could runaway from this pain. As if in the rain, it would drain from my heart, and yet because of it, I was invisibly bleeding for this mother and her child.  
  
Itai yo...  
Drip.  
Kurushi yo...  
I sobbed even louder in silence and I wiped away my tears though I knew the rain would keep on falling onto my face.   
And this time, I wouldn't even protest.  
  
If I run faster...  
Plish, plosh, plish, plosh  
  
...and faster...  
-whish!  
  
I skidded to the floor. Crying hard in the rain, I got up while gripping my hands on my board, I clenched my teeth and stood there for a moment.  
But still, I began to run again...  
  
...and I found myself going in no particular direction. But then, I found my bent head knocking before his door.  
  
Oh, Seishirou...  
  
He answered and was so surprised to see me. Dripping in the rain, I didn't want to even lift my head. But through it all, he saw me crying as I stepped closer towards the light inside his apartment.  
Picking me up with his two arms, he placed me on his bed and wrapped me with his warm blanket. For a moment, those two arms were embracing me and I didn't protest even then...  
  
"Sumimasen..." I apologized as I leaned my wet head of hair on his chest and the rainwater falling onto his shirt.  
Shaking his head slowly, he answered, "It's okay."  
Again, I began to quiver and sob quietly. Even tighter, his warm arms held me as he whispered, "Stop crying, Subaru-kun."  
Getting up after a minute or two in that position, he offered, "I'll give you something to drink so that you'll calm down, okay?"  
Nodding my head slowly because I didn't know what to do at the moment, I sniffed and wiped my face with the back of my glove.  
  
We then talked and I ended up putting my head in his lap crying as he held me and ran his fingers through my hair.  
Then, as I drifted to sleep, I said, "Thank you...very much..."  
  
Crash!  
  
It sounds like glass...  
  
And then, it thundered again as a flash of light lit up the outside.  
Blinking my eyes, Seishirou-san then came out of a room. He had taken out his glasses and it was so rare to see him like this...  
  
Maybe I'm dreaming...  
  
He's walking over to me as he's undoing his tie. Sitting next to me, he then took the back of my neck and carried it towards his direction.  
  
Blurry-eyed, and with my head in mid-air, I blinked at him and said uncertainly, "Seishirou-san?"  
He then smiled at me.  
  
That smile like that boy with no name...  
  
It is a dream...  
  
Maybe I'm denying this...  
  
He then lifted me even more up as he leaned down. Coming closer to my face, I then sleepily closed my eyes as I felt a warm kiss on my lips. While running the tips of his fingers against my neck, he began to kiss my cheek and kept on doing so as he reached my voice box.  
  
The rain poured even more in soft murmuring...  
  
"You should watch out, Subaru-kun..." he said in between this kissing.  
  
I am dreaming...  
  
Brushing his lips against my cheeks, I felt his breath on my ear as he whispered, "...because the happiness you want may lead you to darkness and sadness."  
  
He then placed me carefully back on the bed as he kissed me in the mouth again.  
  
Deeper and deeper I am falling into you...  
  
Holding up my hand weakly to protest against him, he placed my hand down gently back on the bed and kissed my forehead saying, "Mine. Maybe I should say this to myself also, shouldn't I, Subaru-kun?"  
  
He then laughed as I felt him still looking down at me with his hands on either side of me.  
  
And I'm still not protesting...  
voluntarily letting you do as you please with me...  
  
...but you wouldn't do that to me, now wouldn't you, Seishirou-san?  
  
Blinking and falling into more of my unconsciousness, the only thing I could think of was the person over me as he looked down with a sad, longing look I had never seen on him before.  
  
It is really a dream...  
Because the rain's still pouring.  
  
Plip, plop.  
  
  
Why are you now crying on me, Seishirou?  
  
--  
Author's note: *huff, puff* It's so hard writing everyday, but as long as you're reading, I'm happy to do it...  
dedicated to Adri. and you said i wouldn't know who you were...  
  
Don't you just love Seishirou?  
Real conversation-  
  
Yui says:  
heero - omae o korosu 'i'll kill you' in such a seductive tone.  
kappei yamaguchi who is the voice actor of ryuichi. if he says anything on any series, i just go bonkers...  
seishirou - boku tte sexy desu ka? means you're saying i'm sexy?  
  
Mer says: XD YEs YEs that's what we're saying Sei!!  
  
Yui answers: i agree whole heartedly...! which was why yui herself made a poster of seishirou.. 


	4. Yuuki janai. (No courage.)

Disclaimer: Clamp owns Tokyo Babylon.  
I just love Subaru so you couldn't expect me to shut up and accept that that's it...  
...and so I make fanfics!  
  
Random Thoughts  
by Miyamoto Yui  
Chapter 4 - Yuuki janai. (No courage.)  
  
As I was going to take the blow from the mad woman, I crossed my arms over my face in defense...  
Only to horrifically open them to a swish that had reached my face and glass crashing to the ground.  
There stood Seishirou in front of me covering his bleeding eye with an evil smile that scared me.   
  
I'm just watching...unable to do anything while freezing in my place...  
  
As the woman was about to stab him, he twisted her wrist slightly and calmed the woman down.  
  
As they took him away, I fell to my knees upon the ground.  
  
What...what just happened?  
WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!  
  
As I saw him walking away with the nurses and the doctors surrounding him. My wide eyes couldn't do so much as close or blink at all. I wanted so much to reach out to him, but instead, I watched him walk away with a bleeding hand as blood ran down his arm and onto his white sleeve.  
  
"Subaru, they're taking him to the ER which is in..." Hokuto-chan said, but I was too dazed to say anything or even hear what she was saying while placing her hands on my shoulders as we both watched Seishirou.  
  
My gloved hand is starving to touch your arm...and stop you from leaving me...  
I just want to hold you right now...  
But I'm watching you leave me...  
  
And what am I doing?  
Nothing...nothing at all...  
  
Even after all the commotion, there I stood motionless as if time had stopped itself for me. My sister wanted to comfort me, but left understanding that I wanted to be alone.  
My eyes finally moved about the room as if in a daze. Up and down. Down and up. Left to right. Right to left.  
I tried to scan the room without falling apart, but my knees were becoming weak. Shaking inside, I feared for him.  
  
Seishirou...  
...because of me...  
...because of me...  
he might...  
  
In a burst of emotion, I ran towards the room they had taken him to. In a fit of tears, I clenched my gloves and ran faster. When I got to his door, I stood there watching the door.  
But as the time passed, I shook my head.  
  
"Seishirou-san." I whispered to myself.   
  
I had finally spoken.  
  
This shouldn't be happening.  
Seishirou shouldn't be in there! HE SHOULDN'T!  
  
"Seishirou-san."  
  
My rage finally came out and I found myself pounding on the door helplessly as my sister ran to me and walked slowly as she approached me. She placed her hand on me, but I violently slapped it away.  
  
Seishirou-san...oh, seishirou-san...  
  
I didn't know if I was screaming anymore inside my mind, but I kept on calling his name over and over, "Seishirou-san!"  
  
Pound pound pound.  
Seishirou-san!  
Pound pound!  
Seishirou-san!  
  
On and on did I punch that door until I was so numb that I didn't notice my hands bleeding and finally making an imprint on the door. But I didn't care.  
My blood was permeating through the gloves and began to fall like little raindrops on the floor.  
  
All I could say was, "Sei...shi...rou" in a cracked voice...  
  
Falling to the ground, I could no longer even talk. Crying harder than before, my silence had gotten the better of me.  
  
As my sister pulled me finally to go home, I watched myself through another person's eyes.  
  
  
I am a doll...  
I can't do anything now...  
I can't move...  
I must stay here and make time wait for me...  
  
  
Sitting on the chair, I sat there looking like I was going to die. A zombie among the living, I watched for nothing in particular. All I could think was that Seishirou would...  
  
...but like a doll, I wouldn't cry anymore.   
I was too shocked to.  
  
So guilty...  
  
As my sister came in and out of the room to check on me, hours and god knows how much time passed, my sister finally talked to me.  
Crying in her arms, she held me.   
My trance was finally gone.   
  
Finally, as I found the courage to go into his room, I lifted my hand to the door...  
  
Drip, drip. The blood on the floor...  
  
I'm still shaking...  
  
...the crashing of his glasses to the ground...  
  
I can't...  
but I suck in my breath and try to act normal as I open the door to his room.  
He's smiling at me...he's really smiling at me...  
...like nothing ever happened...  
  
That smile...why do you always smile even when you shouldn't, Seishirou?  
  
As he tried to make small talk, I could no longer hold it anymore.   
And there I sobbed as I stood there silently with a straight face looking directly at him. He slipped his fingers through my hair.  
  
Oh, don't touch me...I'll fall apart...  
  
He then brushed my tears away with his fingers...  
  
Damn you, Seishirou...why...  
  
The dam had broken.  
While holding his hand to my face of where he had tried to wipe my tears away, I cried saying over and over, "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!"  
  
The more he did it. The more I cried.  
  
And I then stopped and smiled.  
You are still the same...  
  
As he held my chin, I looked deep into his eyes. Even though he had played a joke on me and I facefaulted to the ground...  
  
...I knew you were the same.  
  
Later, I came back to visit him again. Closing the door slowly behind me, I leaned back on the door as I watched his sleeping face as the moonlight shone on it. Wanting to not wake him, I tiptoed slowly towards him and took off my jacket to place it on the chair next to his bed.   
Slipping myself carefully onto his sheets, I watched him sleep peacefully.  
  
But I felt so incredibly guilty.  
  
"Everytime I look at your eye, I feel so guilty..." I trailed off as I looked down at him. My voice cracked again as I began to silently sob in front of him.  
Leaving all the discretion I had before, I curled in a little ball as I laid my head on his chest.  
  
I want to pound right here.  
Right where your heart is.  
  
You're so cruel, Seishirou...  
I know this is not okay, but you still smile at me.  
  
Then, his arms wrapped tightly around me. With my gloved hands, I grab onto his shirt and silently sob on him.  
Kissing me on the forehead, he tried to comfort me. In this darkness, I couldn't see...  
  
I was as blind as his right eye...  
  
I am so blind whenever it comes to you, Seishirou...  
  
No words were spoken, but I could just feel his heartbeating in the deep silence.   
As long as he was alive...  
...that's all that counted, right?  
  
I wanted to say something. So many things were running through my brain without words to conceptualize them.  
All I could do was mumble softly, "Seishirou."  
  
Silence.  
  
Unable to look at him as I closed my eyes, I finally said, "You're killing me with your love."  
  
But I couldn't say, "Please stop it."  
  
I didn't have the courage to.  
  
--  
Author's note: Hope it wasn't too melodramatic. But it's more interesting to get the 'off stage' stuff, ne?  
  
_ 


	5. Consumed.

Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon is by Clamp. I claim no rights to it.  
  
Random Thoughts  
by Miyamoto Yui  
Chapter 5 - Consumed.  
  
It was then that I opened my eyes to find him looking back at me. With a sleepy-eyed look yet still smiling, he held my cheek again and wiped my tears away with his thumb. "Don't cry. Stop crying."  
  
The more you tell me not to...  
I can't help but do it more...  
  
"I-I can't..." I started to sob and again, I couldn't look at him. Grabbing his shirt even more, I said, "They won't stop."  
  
Seishirou then told me, "Go lock the door."  
Looking at him with an expression full of confusion, I slowly let go of him and went over to lock the door.  
When I came back, I lightly placed myself in my original position and we were silent once more trying to absorb each others thoughts though we knew we could be just deceiving each other as humans always have.  
My tears had dried, but I found myself longing for him. This yearning feeling kept on tugging at me as if I would lose him now.  
  
Even though he was so close to me.  
  
"Why are you silent?" He said as he looked out the window.  
  
It's not helping.  
I don't think I should come here.  
I should have kept myself out of this and not come to visit him.   
  
It's temptation even more so...  
  
There, I found myself crying again though I hated myself by now for doing it because it just showed how vulnerable I was to him. How much he had punctured forcefully into my heart like a gentle wind full of sakura touching my cheeks.  
  
Then, he again took off his glasses and placed them carefully onto the nightstand next to his bed. He focused on me. Slowly putting his hands to cup my face, he pulled me to kiss him.  
  
As I was lifting my hands to protest, they dropped softly on his shoulderblades.  
  
I can't say no...  
not to you, Seishirou...  
  
"I know," he whispered to me as he began to take off my jacket.  
"Demo..." I tried to respond as he began to kiss my face from the top of my head to my chin.  
"Be careful what you wish for," he whispered. "Because I won't hold back. Not tonight."  
The stars under my gloves began to become warm but I didn't notice it too much as my temperature began to rise.   
Taking off my shirt, he lightly pushed me away and cupped my hand over his cheek. "Look at me, Subaru."  
I lifted my eyes to look at his own.   
  
Those eyes...  
No...one is...  
  
He moved my hand to the place where his right eye used to be. Over this bandage, I wanted to cry. But I didn't.  
Seishirou looked at me with a look that said not to. That it wasn't my fault at all.  
If he didn't go in front of me, he'd be so angry with himself...  
  
Then, he took both of my hands and instructed them to take his buttons off.  
While kissing him, I then found myself forgetting who and what we were at the moment.  
  
  
  
I forgot who was that boy with no name...  
  
I forgot that I was the heir to the Sumeragi clan...  
  
I forgot that there was something that bothered me about him, but I didn't care at all...  
  
I forgot the warnings my grandmother had given me...  
  
I forgot how many years we were apart by age...  
  
I forgot everything as time stood still...  
  
  
Melting into him, I didn't care...  
for once, I wasn't concerned or apologizing...  
I had given into my own wants and needs...  
No one to tell me yes or no to what I could or could not have...  
  
This was what brought me closer to Seishirou...  
As he made love to me, I realized that he let me be someone that I couldn't be...  
...that he let me love so freely...  
...that he wouldn't stop me from doing what I wanted or pleased...  
...that he would let me dream what I wanted...  
  
He didn't have to say he loved me anymore...  
nor did I have to with him.  
The words we wanted to say couldn't be said anymore...  
  
But he also showed me that loving someone doesn't necessarily mean you'd make them happy or that they'd be with you forever...  
  
I am now consumed...  
...letting you consume me like a fire that is killing me with its beauty being touched and being burned at the same time...  
  
Pressing my lips closer to his more than before, I thought, "I can never get close to you as this...but why do I feel so far away from you?"  
  
As I laid in bed with him that night, he ran his fingers through my hair and I watched the moon as I slept to one side.   
"Seishirou?"  
"Yes?" He turned over and put his arm on my waist. "What is it?"  
"Why...why do I get the feeling you will leave me someday?"  
Seishirou became silent.  
He again just kissed the back of my head as I felt some tears on me, he said, "For tonight. Just for tonight, let's just forget the world."  
Holding me closer and putting his face next to mine, he whispered, "For tonight, let's abandon our fate."  
  
Closing my eyes, I nodded, "Okay..."  
But a tear had somehow slipped out as his words repeated inside my heart, "You should watch out, Subaru-kun...because the happiness you want may lead you to darkness and sadness....Mine. Maybe I should say this to myself also, shouldn't I, Subaru-kun?"  
  
Were we lying to one another? I do not know...  
...and at this moment, I don't really care...  
  
Holding his hands though mine were bleeding, he didn't mind. We fell asleep peacefully...  
  
Sleepily, I whispered paying no attention to whether or not he was awake anymore, "Yes, for one night, let us enjoy this time together.  
For I fear our time is short from now on..."  
  
--  
Author's note: O_o; I can't believe I wrote this but I think this was another thing that drove me bonkers about them...  
It didn't help that the song playing as I made this was 'Solid Gold'... 


	6. Timed Out.

Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon is by the awesome Clamp.  
  
Random Thoughts  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 6 - Timed out.  
  
At four o'clock in the morning, I gave one last hug to Seishirou and got up to put my clothing back on.   
Then, I slowly kissed his forehead and patted his hair to take one last look at him.  
"Yes, just for tonight," I whispered again.   
Unlocking the door, I slipped away as quietly as I had come.  
  
While walking home, I looked at my hands. And all the world was coming back to me.  
The things I had wanted to forget were resurfacing. And the ache inside of me was pinching my hands as well as my heart.  
  
"Someday...I know someday this will shatter me." I said to myself. "Being two different people, one for the world like Hokuto and all the people I deal with; and one face for Seishirou, the one that didn't know any better."  
  
One will win someday. The masks were breaking each other. One day, I know that this inner conflict will end.  
Whether or not I will ever be the same, that's the ultimate question.  
  
As I went to my room and covered myself with my sheets, I drifted off to sleep saying to myself, "Please let it not be soon..."  
  
Hmm?  
This place...  
  
That child is me....  
  
I watched my younger self trying to go around with my priest uniform to take off wards. Screaming in pain, it suddenly forwarded to that old familiar scene...  
  
"Kirei na sakura desu ka? Sakura ga osuki desu ka?"   
Like the child I've always been, I answered, "Yes."  
  
But I kept on staring at the boy and his haunting smile...  
  
As he touched the sakura branches and their petals, a chill ran down my spine.  
I don't like the way you're doing that...  
  
And yet again, that horrid question was asked once more, "Do you know why the sakura are pink?"  
Shaking my head innocently, he answered that it was because of the dead people's blood who were buried under the sakura.  
  
I saw my younger self begin to cry.  
  
I felt too much pain for these people, even until now I started to sniffle...  
  
But who? Who is this person?  
  
As the boy with no name was going to make a bet with 'my younger self' the sakura violently rushed in the wind and this time, a hand had held onto my shoulder.  
Turning around, the person was gone.  
  
But that haunting smile reappeared...  
...only older...  
  
"Sei-" then I stopped saying his name as I saw a vision of him with sakura in the background carrying my dead sister...  
  
...the one he had just killed...  
  
My eyes became even wider and I screamed, "SEISHI...?"  
Blinking my eyes and watching my hands in front of me, there I was in bed looking at my hands reaching up. Getting up abruptly, I was so confused.  
  
"Yume," I finally sputtered out.  
  
My memory...  
The person who's name I had said...  
  
Hugging myself, I looked down as my head hung low with my body in pure numbness.  
"It's too late."  
  
I can't cry anymore...  
  
Time has run out.  
  
--  
Author's note: I know I had taken too long with these scenes, but these were for my own purposes for the full impact later...  
And did you notice what I put in chapter 5? His hands bleeding because of his 5 point star...  
And did you see this chapter 'conveniently' placed? It's 6 for imperfection and death... 


	7. Kowashita. (Broken.)

Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon was created by the awesome Clamp and I present this as a form of deep appreciation for a work that has touched my heart as well as many others around the world.  
  
Random Thoughts  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 7 - Kowashita. (Broken.)  
  
My face was still in shock and I did not even attempt to stop it from doing so.  
I had a feeling something was going to happen. As to what, I did not know...  
Nor did I want to feel it like this at this moment...  
  
Still being disillusioned, my sister didn't miss it. She comforted me and embraced me with all that she could.  
  
"I love you, Subaru," she had said to me. And this I kept inside of my mind as I walked on.  
  
If she had known...  
If she had known who I was with just last night...  
She would have...  
Sigh.  
  
Again, my feet stood still...  
  
  
Seishirou...  
It was happening all over again...  
  
The slash...  
The incessant crying...  
The stare at the door...  
The push from my sister as I was desparate to keep him...  
The longing look up to the ceiling as if god could hear me...  
Slipping to the ground in the heaviness of this burden...  
  
As I walked on, there were a group of high schoolers going to beat up a blind old man. And the inner anger I had never shown, came out.  
Shaking, I took care of the situation...  
  
After talking to the blind old man, I went back to the hospital and was about to knock on the door. As I did so, I stopped.  
Clenching my hand in mid-air, I thought about myself and my denial all this time. All the while, I had tried to push the thought away though I knew perfectly well how much I was falling into Seishirou.  
  
Flashes came back to me...  
  
POUND POUND POUND!  
  
The bleeding hands...  
Falling to the ground...  
Crying for someone I finally realized I had cared about more than myself...  
  
Then, I finally whispered to myself, "It's because I love you, Seishirou."  
  
Full of the courage I couldn't fill myself when I was in his arms, I came in...  
  
...and it wasn't his room at all.  
  
  
"The time of when the bet must be fulfilled has come...Sumeragi Subaru."  
Whispering his name, I stared at the being in front of me with his arms crossed while leaning on a sakura tree.  
  
That sakura tree...  
It had to be THAT one...  
  
Clenching my fists again, I tried so hard to control my shaking...  
The time had gone. It could no longer come back to us.  
  
Oh NO...  
  
The scene repeated again.  
This is what he meant...  
  
I was watching it all over again.  
This was what he meant...  
  
That horrid sakura tree was now becoming a nuisance and drained me so well...  
  
But this time, I was reliving it. Feeling everything...  
Even the hand that reached out and caught my shoulder.   
  
He held his other hand out to stop the scene. And the boy, the boy with no name turned his head to smile evilly at me...  
  
A tear quickly emerged and fell as if it were never there as I whispered inside my head, but too weak to to him, "Seishirou..."  
  
Then, he showed me...  
a little girl dead on the ground...  
bleeding relentlessy and her blood being soaked up by the dirt around her...  
  
As I tried to runaway, he grabbed my arm and came closer to my face to whisper, "It was me."  
  
Grabbing my head, I knew I heard glass shatter.  
  
  
"You should watch out, Subaru-kun...  
because the happiness you want may lead you to darkness and sadness....  
Mine.   
Maybe I should say this to myself also, shouldn't I, Subaru-kun?"  
  
  
  
And it was then that I remembered every single thing...  
  
At the time I was going around doing spells, he was on a branch. He had killed a girl and I had witnessed him doing so.   
He was supposed to kill me too, but he decided to have more fun with me. He had instead blocked the dead girl from my consciousness and just 'woke me' from my induced sleep to comment on the sakura.  
  
That's why he was laughing...  
He thought it was so fun to deceive me...  
  
It was then in the wind did he kiss my hands and mark them for death with his own teeth...  
  
Again, he took my hands and kissed them as the gloves that had protected them for so long tore violently off. And I thought of my grandmother and her face as she saw my hands that day...  
  
I was such a fool...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The memory played out again, but this time, Seishirou began to break every bone in my body and he wouldn't stop until he had done such a thorough job of it...  
  
His words redundantly whispered to my ear, "For tonight. Just for tonight, let's just forget the world. For tonight, let's abandon our fate."  
  
Half here and half not, I listened to him speak to me while drifting off to unconsciousness, but not quite.  
I can't even talk...  
All I can do is cry...  
  
This is what you meant...  
This is why you cried on me that night...  
  
Cruelly, he didn't let me die. He threw me back through the window of the hospital.  
A nurse screamed to help me, but there I laid silent and unable to do anything.  
  
Everything is broken.  
Everything.  
  
My heart so completely shattered...  
My blood running on this hospital floor...  
My mind shot that I didn't know what reality was anymore...  
My tears running a river into my mouth to taste the salt and those that were wasted on the tile floor...  
  
A million things ran through my head....and I can't contain or constrain them no matter how hurtful they are...  
  
How could you, Seishirou?  
How could you break me so completely?  
How could you lie to me?  
Was this part of your plan?  
  
You were supposed to kill me...  
If you were kind, you should have killed me.  
  
But no, you are not. You had to torture me inside out so thoroughly...  
  
  
This is so much worse than death, Seishirou...  
But I think your inhuman coal for a heart understands this already...  
  
  
Laying my broken fingers out as if to still reach for him, but knowing full well that I couldn't change anything...  
Unable to move my lips, all I could think to say was thus,  
  
"Se...i...shi...ro...u...sa...n.  
Boku wa anata ga suki dattan desu."  
  
Yes, because I loved you, Seishirou...  
  
  
  
You were the boy with no name...  
But I...  
I wish it were left unknown...  
  
  
  
--  
Author's note: ;_; This is my favorite part in the manga.  
I hope I was able to capture the moment and the emotions that I wanted or at least the depth portrayed.  
But being the way I am, I think I am still not satisfied even if I am crying right now because of this piece... 


	8. Itami. (Pain.)

Disclaimer: Clamp owns Tokyo Babylon. I just love the characters too much to just leave it alone.   
  
  
I had trusted that smile,   
only to be deceived.  
  
For many many other things,  
I wish I didn't find out like this...  
  
I didn't think it would have ever come to this...  
  
Random Thoughts  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 8 - Itami. (Pain.)  
  
I had completely lost my mind.  
  
  
My sister took me home, but I was no different than when I had been smashed through the hospital window. I stared out of myself as if I was someone else trapped in this body.   
  
I'm someone else...I'm just seeing someone else in their moment of pain...  
This isn't mine at all...  
  
No, Seishirou would never do that to me...  
No he wouldn't...  
  
He loved me...  
  
My sister tried so hard to talk to me, but I wouldn't talk to her. She was taking a ragged doll home. I was just stitched up, but we knew the truth too well.  
  
I was broken.  
  
Very broken.  
  
For something couldn't be so abused and left to die, it couldn't heal completely anymore...if at all...  
  
And so, I was just going through the motions of living. If that was what it was called, this daze I found myself in.  
  
People stared at me. Both those that knew me and knew me not. They had seen the change in my exterior, but I looked beyond them. I looked passed them as if no one were there at all in front of me.   
  
My sister closed the door to our apartment and I went straight to my room. There I sat in the chair in the middle of the dark room.  
  
A few seconds later, she stood in the doorway looking at me as if she were going to cry. So heartbroken, she couldn't hold it anymore and ran off to the kitchen.  
  
I only glared straight in front of me. There was nothing else left to do but sit.   
  
I didn't want to do anything...  
  
For what good would that do me? I would only hurt and be hurt.  
  
If I stay here...  
If I stay here...  
maybe I could run away...  
  
I don't know how many days passed again and my sister just came in and out of my room until one day, she called, "Subaru".  
  
She couldn't take it anymore....  
Even though there was nothing left for her or I to do, she just stood in front of me.  
Apologizing and hugging me, I couldn't hear her any longer.  
  
I had completely shut myself from the world.  
  
Even when she took the ritual clothing...  
Even then I didn't notice...  
  
My grandmother even laid me on the bed but I continued to keep my eyes open. I never went to sleep...  
  
Dolls with no feelings at all...  
they don't sleep...  
they have their eyes open always observing the world...  
but when they need to do something, they can't.  
  
  
I was so useless...  
I was so blind...  
How could I have been so stupid...?  
  
  
"Su...ba...ru...Su...ba...ru..." I heard a sweet voice calling to me in the recesses of the debris left of my scattered mind.  
"Su......ba......ru." my sister said as she fell backwards with her hands reaching up as if she could still hold onto me, her precious and most important person in the world...  
  
There I stood seeing it all.  
Through the blood rising and falling in a wave, that disgusting grin of satisfaction protruded. And I held my hand out to keep the sakura from flying into my face once more.  
  
Seishirou then knelt down next to my sister.   
  
Get away from her...you don't deserve to touch her...  
  
Still holding her, he turned his head and the only thing I could see was...  
  
...that cursed smile...  
...that mocking grin that made him truly a demon in disguise...  
  
  
Stop smiling at me like that...  
  
It was through your kind smile that I had fallen in love with...  
And yet it betrayed me like no other...  
  
As I ran towards them while focusing on the face of my sister...  
...whose face looked unusually peacefully...  
  
I'm so confused...  
Why? Why do you look like that with such a horrible death?  
  
  
They both were disintegrating into sakura petals.  
  
  
I knew...I just knew one day those petals would be my undoing.  
For something as fascinating and as beautiful couldn't come without a price...  
...like love...  
  
  
To perfect the mood, Seishirou held her out to me with both of his arms still holding that smirk and attentive eye out to me.  
  
I screamed, "HOKUTO-CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
He's holding her out as my sacrifice!!!!  
Bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
Rising from bed, my covers fell in disarray as I screamed over and over, "HOKUTO-CHAN!! HOKUTO-CHAN!!!"  
  
Paying no attention to my grandmother as she grabbed onto my waist, I desparately got off the bed and ran off with my hand still out to Hokuto.   
  
I can still reach for you...  
You can't be dead...  
You're still in front of me...  
  
With tears in my eyes, I shouted again, "HOKUTO-CHAN!!!!"  
  
Only then did I notice that I was in my room...  
And I slipped to the floor with my grandmother still clinging onto me. I looked up to the ceiling, "There really is no god."  
  
  
For if there was, he/she would have pitied me by now. But no. There was no mercy in this. None at all...  
  
  
The telephone rang and only then did my grandmother understand the desparation of my call to my twin...  
  
"It was that person..." I had explained.  
I then got up and placed my hands on the glass of the sliding door.  
Pounding my ungloved hands to the glass, I slipped down a bit and cried silently.  
  
That person...only that person was supposed to kill me...  
  
Oh, Hokuto...  
  
It was then that I found myself pounding on the glass harder and harder. Then, it shattered into a million pieces.  
  
Laughing to myself, it was just like me.  
He had laughed in my face and here I was breaking more and more.  
  
I then took the pieces into my hand and crushed them until I felt every single glass shard piercing through my hands. Bleeding, I laid my hands on the glass out before me.  
  
My grandmother tried to tell me to stop, but I looked at her and she stopped as she went to get gauze.  
  
I learned that from you, Seishirou...  
You have to be heartless...  
See what a good sensei you are?  
  
Looking down at my hands, I saw the glass become immersed in my blood. Then, I began to sob as my tears fell like rain to wash the blood away from the damned stars marked upon my hands.  
  
  
Is this what you wanted? To wash my pain with even more?  
  
  
Nothing is making sense anymore...  
  
  
Shaking and putting my bleeding into two painful fists, I pounded one last time on the ground saying with bitter tears running down my face, "This...this is what you meant...Seishirou..."  
  
---  
Author's note: Ooh! We're almost to the end!   
But aww...damn...I feel so bad for Subaru it isn't funny...  
  
That's life.   
Fate's a bitch-goddess, that's all I have to say... 


	9. Chikara. (Force.)

Disclaimer: Clamp is the one who made Tokyo Babylon. I'm just in love with Subaru so I couldn't leave him alone...  
  
Random Thoughts  
by Miyamoto Yui  
Chapter 9 - Chikara. (Force.)   
  
I woke up in a white room.   
But it was my own room...only in white...  
  
From the ceiling to the curtains to my bed sheets, everything was completely white. Even the pajama I wore were in pure silky white.  
  
But there he was...  
right in front of me...  
  
Seishirou had come back to me...  
  
Though he was dressed in black, he had looked the same in that suit as he always did. Always with that same smile that I had adored ever since he came right up to me and helped me on the train station platform...  
  
He sat on my bedside as I blinked my eyes and got up. Without a word, I hugged him.   
  
You're here...  
Everything was just a bad dream, wasn't it, Seishirou?  
  
Please tell me so...  
  
It was then that my hands began to ache again as if to tell me there was something wrong with this whole situation. And that's when I twitched in pain.  
  
Drip, drip.  
  
My hands had once again begun to bleed in beads of deep red over their stars. Seishirou hungrily looked at me, with that one gold eye like a vampire's and closed it to kiss my hands seductively.   
Shaking my head, I wanted to protest.   
  
No, no...  
This isn't right...  
Don't drink any of my blood...  
  
It was then that my blood began to drip onto the sheets and onto my pajamas.   
Splatter, splatter.  
  
But it was of no use...  
Fwump!  
  
Seishirou pinned me down on the bed and held my wrists so firmly on the bed. Smiling, he shook his head as he took out his glasses and threw them to the floor.  
  
Crash!  
  
It echoed in the room as I began to shake my head in protest.  
"STOP!"  
  
...  
Nothing was coming out.  
  
"NO DON'T, SEISHIROU!"  
  
But my voice couldn't be heard. Either I couldn't hear it or he couldn't hear my cry of pain as he began to tear open the buttons of my pajama top.   
While holding my wrists with one hand over my head, he used his other one to pull off his tie and his shirt. While kissing my neck, the sides of my eyes were filled with tears.  
  
"STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!"  
I kept on crying but my sobs were as if they had been put on mute. Nothing could be heard.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Ah...  
Seishirou...stop...  
  
I then clasped my hands on his shoulders in pain...  
  
Ah...Itai...  
Yamete...  
  
I want to be with you always,  
but not like this...  
  
Unable to protest, I held up my hands to his face and tiredly looked up at him. "...you're hurting...me."   
  
"Seishirou...you're hurting me..." I repeated again in a weak voice.  
  
It was then that my voice came back.  
And we had both heard it as clear as a bell.  
  
And he stopped. Hovering over me, through the blood stains of the white sheets, he began to hold me. "I'm..."  
  
But he couldn't say it.  
Still, he continued to hold me. Kissing my forehead, he then breathed into my ear. "Okay...I won't do that again..."  
  
"Never..." I breathlessly replied as I saw him rebutton my pajama and dress me back up.  
Still next to me, he held my head close to his face. "No matter what...I will always...be here..."  
Pushing on my heart, he poked it until it hurt me...  
  
Was that supposed to mean anything? With you...always, ne?  
  
  
My eyes opened and I found myself in my room. "Yume..."  
  
But I knew better...  
  
As I hesitantly looked down at myself, I saw the traces of him left...  
  
The unbuttoned shirt...  
My torn shorts laying to one side of the bed...  
My bloodied hands...  
And the pair of glass frames left next to my pillow...  
  
Hugging myself, I began to cry looking as if I really did lose my mind. Silently, I said in a quivering whisper to myself, "Couldn't you have just left me alone?!"  
  
You have already broken me...  
  
In a sadistic rage, I saw at the foot of my bed, a book wide open. Coming closer to it, I found a blood drop next to the word, "rape".  
Aloud, I read, "When you dream of being raped, you want that person to love you or they are forcing you to love them when you don't want to."  
  
Dropping the book into my lap, I stared out a bit.   
  
  
You just love to hurt me, now don't you, Seishirou...  
  
Doki...  
You want that person to love you...  
Doki...  
I don't know...maybe...maybe not...  
Doki...  
or they are forcing you to love them when you don't want to...  
Doki...  
  
Shaking my head, I wanted to scream...  
But in quiet frustration, I then took the book into my shaking hands and threw it against the wall in my anger.  
  
Boom!  
  
"Wakaranai!" Shouting to no one in front of me, my voice echoed, "I don't know! I really don't, Seishirou!!!"  
  
Twisted...this forbidden love is so twisted...  
So intertwined...  
Is it still called love at all?  
  
  
But this was exactly the way I have been feeling after everything...  
..this was the feeling I had after you broke me...  
...after you killed my sister...  
  
You had left me barren inside...  
Raping me of everything I had thought, said, represented or done in life...  
  
It was then that I hugged myself tighter. At the swishing sound of my sheets, the curtain flew as a gentle wind blew in.  
  
--  
Author's note: The analysis for this chapter-  
white of course means purity and black means darkness. The golden eyes are really a sign of a vampire as I've seen in other anime and I had focused on it as I looked at the picture of Seishirou on the image soundtrack's book.  
And for rape? That is a true interpretation.  
  
I have been researching on dreams for years, so I can say this is at least 80-90 percent accurate...  
  
Still with this chapter, though with great care, I'm still unsatisfied with it... 


	10. (Conclusion) After the fact...

Random Thoughts  
(Conclusion)  
Chapter 10 - After the fact...  
by Yui Miyamoto  
  
I wanted so much to hide away from the world.  
  
And that's what I had done for days...even weeks...  
As I had laid in bed, I thought and thought until my listlessness became an embodiement of my defeat.  
With hot tears unable to rush down anymore, I was all cried out.  
  
The torn short fell to the floor.  
And my shorts were thrown violently to the ground.  
  
I was not going to stand for this...  
Not with that godforsaken grin upon his face to spite me...  
  
Yet through it all, I had looked at the mark of death on my hands...  
It just got me depressed again.   
As I looked at them, it reminded me of everything.  
  
The world was something awful and I wanted so much to run away. If I could escape its claws then that would make me happy. But would that really make me happy?   
Happiness is such a subjective word right now. It just likes to pluck you like a guitarist with his instrument.  
  
And Seishirou...  
Seishirou had played me, oh so well...  
  
And I could not cry for him.  
No, not anymore.  
  
If I could just stop to exist, I would devoid my sister of the rightful justice that she deserved. The death she claimed at the hands of someone who had taken my heart so gradually without letting me know he had, I had to avenge it.  
  
No matter the costs.  
  
My innocence was shattered.  
The world had broken me into little pieces for its own disposal. I wouldn't be surprised if it mockingly laughed at me for my naivete.  
  
I know he had...  
Bitterly, I recall he had...  
  
Love was in the middle of it.  
And obligation was standing in my way.  
  
A samurai that had to choose between family and giri (absolute obedience). I was a modern-day warrior whose armor was nothing more than his brains. And that alone could be tainted.  
  
I knew too well the joys of being manipulated...  
  
My heart took the first blow...  
but that wasn't enough...  
  
I'm only human, but even this mistake was too perfect in its execution...  
  
But it wouldn't be my last...  
I knew that for certain.  
  
And my mind became so clear that I recalled everything so clearly...  
  
How he could do this to me, I didn't know. Was his thirst for blood stronger than bonds of love and friendship? Apparently so.  
A killer with no heart could only be so cruel to strike at that place where one's life stemmed from.  
  
Seishirou killed too many.  
His hands are stained by cold blood.  
  
Maybe that's why he always aims at the heart...  
That's where he strikes best, ne?  
  
And from this evil pulsating blood, many had suffered. Many were buried carelessly under a sakura tree.  
A tree that signified peace and harmony.  
  
It had now become death's lair engulfing all that entered its realm.  
  
But like a sakura, Seishirou had captured me with his beauty. That exterior that seemed to care about the world and about us, I had thought that I could trust that smile.  
Apparently, I was wrong.  
  
Disturbingly wrong.  
  
If I had known, I would have been on my guard. But it is of no use now.  
  
We are destined for this fate.  
Always to be kept apart by the hands of time and life itself.  
  
Clenching my fists and a tear stubbornly staying on my eyes, I looked at the mirror and cut my hair as a symbol of my transformation.  
  
The world had done this to me.  
  
You tore me apart.  
Seishirou, you tore me inside out. You tore all that I could hold in my heart giving me the final blow.  
I wish I could be blind to everything, and wander through life with a cane that extended cautiously before me to warn me of harm.   
  
But I can't.  
  
I cannot close my eyes.  
  
Not anymore...  
  
I had to eventually pick the pieces left behind and move on. Like a ragged doll, I have to stitch myself over and over, no matter the pain that ensues within my heart becoming more and more hard with time.  
  
  
And I want to cry, but I can't. I'm too shocked to cry now.  
  
I can't describe myself right now, but I know I'm bleeding invisibly...  
  
Looking at this mirror, I've finished cutting my hair. I threw out my previous wardrobe and burned it.  
You will go with my sister.  
  
Until I wring him with my own hands which will learn the taste and scent of blood, I will not rest.  
No, not until I put him to eternal sleep...  
  
Walking out of the building, I turned around and never looked back.  
  
I'm not going to turn back, Seishirou.  
  
You started the game,  
and now,  
I shall finish it.  
  
  
I'm so sorry Hokuto.  
But the Subaru-kun the world knew has gone.  
He no longer exists here.  
  
I then kissed the cursed hands marked with death...  
"Seishirou..." I whispered.  
  
As of this moment, the Subaru Sumeragi you love so dearly...  
  
...Is dead.  
  
  
And it's all your fault...  
  
--  
Author's note: My first finished Tokyo Babylon fic. I like it just fine...  
Subaru at both extremes...omoshiroi.  
  
Originally, this had started as picking parts of the manga that I thought were important. Then, but by the end of the second chapter, I thought it would be so much better to expand on parts 'not in the comic'.  
Plus, I was evil and wanted to put all the 'fan service' that had driven me crazy about Sei-chan and Subaru-kun's relationship. I couldn't handle them not doing anything...yes, bad, but this just really drove me nuts...  
And if you're wondering, this had started as one chapter. The last one. This one was the first TB fanfic I made. But then I thought of doing the whole comic in five chapters. Then, I had too much fun with it and personified it in 10 chapters as one for every point in Subaru's hands...  
chapter 8 was for hokuto's death but 8 is a multiple of 4, which means death in some Asian languages.  
  
Yes, enough of this rambling and yes, I'm a freak about integrating too many things into one thing...  
  
thanks for reading and hope you liked it as much as I did making it!  
  
Love, Yui 


End file.
